The Event Manager Translation Guide

The sound guy wants a word.

The sound guy wants to rant at you for ten minutes about the pros and cons of using the AP37F-Beta, using words you suspect he’s just making up, before going back behind his desk and looking sullen for the rest of the night.

The chef wants a word.

The chef has some new swear words he wants to try out on you.

The bar manager wants a word.

Diane from accounts has just tried to beat Tony from logistics to death with her shoe.

The client wants a word.

How sure are you that you’ve done everything?

Arrival Time.

The time twelve hours after the event manager arrives that everyone who isn’t the event manager arrives.

Start time.

The time you plan for the event to commence but which all others involved will view as an opportunity to mess with your world.

End time.

The time six hours before the event manager leaves that everyone who isn’t the event manager (or the bloke with tie adorned Rambo-style) leaves.

Free Bar.

The thing from which all other problems will now stem.

The Budget.

An invitation for suppliers to negotiate with you.

There’s been a little problem.

You are about to cry.

Actually, that’s a funny story.

I’m about to tell you something that will make you want to kill someone.

Guests are still coming in.

Guests are lurking at the free bar and will require a crowbar to get them into their seats.

We’ve had a complaint about the noise.

The lady five floors up with hearing like a bat has rung to complain about you.

We’ve had several complaints about the noise.

The bat lady has rung back.

Someone wants to speak to you about the noise.

Bat lady is at the door.

The sound guy needs to check the levels.

The sound guy needs to say one-two, one-two into the mic a few times.

Oh, I didn’t realise it was a wedding.

Oh, I forgot to add an additional zero to your bill.

What’s that guy doing?

Don’t look, whatever you do, don’t look!

We’ve had a date conflict.

We have double booked ourselves but the other fella paid more.

Last year was great.

Last year you excelled yourself so much. You have now set the bar so high Tom Daley would be afraid to jump off it.

Frank’s called in sick.

You will now do the work of two adult humans.

Frank and Bob have called in sick.

You are about to supply your boss with material for your next performance review.

The caterer is short staffed.

Did you bring your comfy shoes?

We need to make some changes to the event tomorrow.

Sleep will no longer be an option.

We need to move the start time.

We need you to cram everything into half the allotted time.

Were you expecting a delivery?

We have found some boxes with your name on it.

A delivery has arrived.

We’ve found a box, we don’t think it’s a bomb, but we think it’s better if you open it.

Have you eaten yet?

I am taunting you because you are way too busy to eat.

We want it to be different to last year.

We want it to be even better than last year.

Surprise us.

Whatever you do, do not actually surprise us.

There’s a problem with the entertainment.

Obviously didn’t hire Incognito.